"sometimes it takes a good fall to really see where you stand"

So I’m not really sure how to say, "I failed" then to just come out and say I ate like total crap this weekend. It’s hard to admit to a group of people that you were unable to complete something that you said you would do! Me and my boyfriend had a long discussion about this last night which really changed my mindset about eating healthy and training hard.

The famous crossfit names that you know of and the great leaders of the world have all experienced "hard work" and if you really want something, getting it is not going to be easy! Like I said in our conversation last night and in previous blogs, I am used to things coming easy and natural to me. I have never had to work hard for anything that I truly wanted, and therefore I do not completely understand the meaning of "hard work”!! But the journey is what makes us who we are, not the destination. And although I was scared of failing, giving up is not the way to handle the situation! You try hard and you fail? So what, at least you tried- that is more important than not trying at all or giving up because you’re afraid. I’m afraid of the hard work it will take to eat 100% strict paleo, and can honestly say I do not feel mentally prepared and ready to take on the "challenge" !! So my boyfriend and I, together, came up with a plan!

I was unable to participate in the challenge with the rest of the gym members because I chose to include protein powder into my post work-out diet. This took away a lot of the “challenge” for me, and was a reason why I probably acted out in rebellion and ate A LOT of sweets this weekend! NO EXCUSES. As me and my boyfriend were talking about what I wanted out of crossfit and life in general I found myself making excuses for why I believed I could not do this! If eating healthy was easy, what would I learn from doing it? Probably nothing!

So starting today I will eat healthy- This will basically consist of NO SWEETS and limited bread intake. I will not call this the "paleo diet" plan because it’s just me trying to make healthy and smart eating decisions while denying my cravings. I may eat gluten free bread or whole wheat oatmeal ... but I am going to log everything I eat in my crossfit journal and compare my workouts and how I feel with what I ate prior to my workout. If I feel like crap during my work-outs or during the day, I will try and figure out what exactly might have made me feel that certain way- when I figure it out I will scratch that from my "diet."

I’m just a normal person, and I am going to fail at things- but how sad would it be if I intentionally failed at everything by choice because I was afraid. How is that living? Its not! Try hard and you will probably succeed- but if you fail, get back up and try again! And that’s exactly what I am doing, and I hope it will only make me stronger.

I am so lucky to be dating such an extremely wise and intellectual person that challenges me to think about why I do certain things and to make me realize what exactly I want out of certain things! If it wasn’t for him, I probably wouldn’t be giving this "diet" another try. Of course I will always implement the paleo diet into my eating habits, but it’s having the will power to turn away from the sweets and say no to unhealthy foods that makes us stronger. It’s the hard work!! I probably won’t update my blog every day and list exactly what foods and portions I ate day in and day out- but I will update periodically to let you know how I am doing! I want to do this diet for myself and not for anyone else, and I feel that blogging every day about what I eat might change my mindset to think that I am eating healthy to please everyone else!

You will hear abut my challenges, and triumphs and everything in between to what I have eaten and the new recipes I have had the time to cook! You will also hear about my work-outs and which foods made me feel like crap, and those that made me feel great! I hope you can follow along and use words on encouragement along the way. I’m excited to experience the true feeling of hard-work.